"To Green, With Love"

by Tammy and Melissa

Scene 1: I hope Gaston, I mean, Mr. Caulfied, doesn’t burn down the Beast’s, oops, Mr. Green’s, House

Melissa: The scene begins at a loud meeting.  Parents complain about Principal Green’s decision.  In case you don’t remember, Green decided to expel Matt Caulfield for defacing Joey’s mural.  An angry white father speaks out, the Angry White Superintendent, or AWS, pussyfoots around.  The camera pans to Joey, Dawson and Pacey, who are all shaking their heads in disbelief. Mr. Caulfield speaks up, it must be mentioned that his son looks as old as he does.  Joey stands up and says how ridiculous this whole thing is.  Mr. Caulfied shuts her down, then a woman (on the school board, I think) shuts him down.  But Mr. Caulfied patronizes to Joey again, Pacey snorts in disgust and Dawson basically tells Mr. Caulfied to shut up.  AWS tells the parents that Green will have to reverse his decision, or he will be fired.

Scene 2: Frosted Flake, Anyone?

Tammy: After the meeting Gale sees a blonde field reporter from her old anchor station. The two obviously know each other and it is revealed that the young blonde is a former intern Gale had hired. The two try to converse politely while the blonde makes several snide remarks concerning Gale’s age. Gale remarks on the out of control parents while the new field reporter describes Principal Green as a whacko.

Melissa:  We all know that the blond reporter is bitchy and shallow even before she speaks because we she her checking out her reflection in the camera lens.  It’s all about subtlety.

Scene 3: The future Karen Silkwood... or not

Melissa: As they walk back from the meeting, Joey bitches about the unfairness of the situation.  Pacey does his best JFK impersonation, essentially saying, “life is unfair”.  Pacey suggests that Joey should stand up for Green and rally her likeminded classmates to the same.  Next, Joey talks to A.J. over the phone about the situation.  A.J. encourages Joey to take a stand; just like Pacey did less than sixty seconds ago.  Joey mentions Pacey, and A.J. makes fun of Pacey’s name for some reason.  Wait, I know the reason; A.J.’s an asshole.  Bessie tells Joey to watch the newscast on television.  Joey sees herself on TV; there’s also a picture of Mr. Green who has a super scary expression on his face during the shot.  I guess the blond bitchy reporter is playing up the “black rage” angle.  Apparently, everyone else in Capeside is watching the same channel too.  Joey finds that the blond bitchy reporter misrepresented her.  She is pissed, and A.J. urges her to speak up again.  Okay, writers, I got it.  Pacey gives Joey the same advice that A.J., her boyfriend later does.  Pacey and A.J. even look alike with their haircuts and all.  I’m sure the fact that A.J. is a doppelganger for Pacey is significant somehow, but I’ll allow my partner to figure it out.

Tammy: Figuring things out require thinking and this episode zapped what little brainpower I have so...

Scene 4: Hi, my name is A.J., and yes, I am a doppelganger.

Tammy: Pacey finds Joey at school putting up flyers for a meeting involving Principal Green. He assumes that she is taking his advice, but in actuality she is taking A.J.’s. However, this makes no sense since both of them gave her the same advice. Joey tells Pacey that he merely “encouraged” her, while A.J. came up with the actual idea. While rounding the corner, we run into A.J. wearing a sweater that looks surprisingly similar to Dawson’s turkey one. Looks like we’ve got another doppelganger. Some girl nonchalantly runs by to tell the three that Green is coming. The three run outside to find a mob of angry parents and blonde bitchy reporters. Green walks through the crowd and sees Joey. I know he must be thinking about the newscast last night (cause after all, everybody in Capeside saw it-they only get one channel in red-necked hick towns, you know) but all he says is “Joey, after you.”

Melissa: Joey invited her boyfriend into town because he’s a college student, thus familiar with protests and demonstrations?  Um, okay.  Harvard isn’t exactly Berkeley.  Besides, A.J. is an undergrad and a TA; I doubt he has the time to get involved with Calpirg or Amnesty International.  The only thing he would stand up for is extra benefits for his lazy TA ass... whoops tangent alert... I’m done now.

Scene 5: Meaningless subplot ahoy!

Melissa: Aaah, the bitchy blond newswoman is on TV again.  Gale and Dawson are at the restaurant, and Gale thanks Dawson for his help.  Dawson says the only reason he’s helping is because his father made him an “indentured servant” as punishment.  Shut up, Dawson!  I know plenty of kids who work in their parents’ restaurants.  Sure they don’t enjoy it sometimes, but they have the grace to not complain half as much as you do.  They also accept the situation; after all, if the restaurant fails, the whole family is in trouble.  So what’s with you (and Joey, for that matter) constantly complaining?  Instead of smacking him, Gale tells Dawson that she really needed his help.  Dawson is somewhat mollified.  Then Gale complains about the bitch blond reporter’s misrepresentation of the story.  Dawson suggests that Gale tells the story, and he volunteers to be on her crew.

Scene 6: Hat Attack

Tammy: Outside of the superintendent, AWS’ office, Joey has started a little demonstration consisting of, at the most, ten kids parading about in a circle. Joey, Dawson, and Pacey are watching on, wearing these ridiculous hats. Dawson has his video camera (of course) and Gale is with him. The blonde bitchy reporter shows up and basically laughs in Gale’s face at the thought of her submitting something to the station. She then goes on to ask if she can interview Joey, who shuts her down with a “in your frosted dream, Barbie.” The superintendent finally asks to see Joey and as usual Jo doesn’t know what to do. She looks to Pacey who tells her not to go, while A.J. tells her to go. Guess what she does. We enter the superintendent’s office and the deer in headlights look on Joey’s face reflects the same look on the dead deer hanging above the entrance. AWS asks Joey if she is responsible for the clamor outside his office. She responds in the affirmative and he basically laughs in her face telling her that she only represents a meager handful. Joey is shocked (how could he have seen through her meticulously planned charade?) and tries to cover it up by telling him that there are “more of us...like a lot more.” Yeah Jo, real convincing. She then makes up an even more ridiculous lie about there being a rally and a petition with 300 names. The only real good part in this scene is when AWS tells her to hurry back to school before she gets Saturday school and Joey replies “I’m out sick a with a cold.”

Melissa: What can I say? Dumb hats.  Why can’t they wear hoods, or those little knitted hats with the puff on it- you know, the kind little kids wear?  Or what about some earmuffs?  A.J. is definitely an asshole.

Scene 7: Nikki looks cute... that’s it

Melissa: Dawson and Gale go over to la case Verde to interview Senor Green.  Mr. Green refuses, despite Nikki’s protests.  I must say Nikki looks rather fetching in this scene. I’m glad they put her in something other than the J. Crew (or is it American Eagle now?) white washed, vanilla clothes the other female cast members wear.

Scene 8: Project X

Tammy: The first amusing thing I’ve seen all night would be in this episode. Andie on the phone runs by with two thumbs up. What can I say? I’m easily amused. Pacey basically sums up my opinion in the former scene, telling Joey she’s crazy to think that 200 kids will show up at a rally. I didn’t even know that there were 200 kids at Capeside High. I liked Pacey’s plan to get the 300 signatures though-tell the kids that it’s to get an extra chocolate milk day. That’s what today’s kids want-not world peace-chocolate milk! As the scene progresses we learn that Pacey has basically done everything to get this rally in motion-even asking a copier to run off free copies for them. Joey gives him a pat on the back but then goes off to smooch A.J. and thank him for all the work he’s done. I’m guessing my partner will interject an A.J. is an asshole right about now. Bessie receives a phone call threatening her business if a certain someone continues her plight to help Mr. Green. Typically, Jo doesn’t get it.

Melissa: Okay, my partner forgot to mention that Pacey looks on jealously as Joey and A.J. kiss.  Then Jen notices and asks him if he’s okay, because she’s cool like that.  I went through the trouble of rehashing this because the writers are recreating the quadrangle from first season.  Joey is Dawson, the clueless one, who doesn’t know that Pacey; the best friend (Joey from first season) is lusting after her.  Jen is Pacey from first season, she sees what’s going on, and she will try to hint to Joey of Pacey’s feelings.  But Joey, like Dawson, will deny, deny, deny.

Scene 9: (Take me to) The Morning After

Melissa: The Potter kitchen, the morning after the meeting.  Bessie is still worried about the threat she received, but Joey and Bodie try to downplay it.  Bessie needs to fix her hair.  Bessie wants Joey not to hold any more meetings in the Potter B&B.  Joey thinks Bessie is really telling her to give up the crusade.  Actually, Jo, she just wants you to move the meetings, why don’t you campaign from the McPhee Manor instead?  Mr. McPhee is never there, and I’m sure Andie and Jack will be accommodating.  Then Bessie says that Joey’s support of Mr. Green may be misguided; she believes Caulfield’s punishment is extreme.  I think so too, expulsion for vandalism?  Whatever.  Bodie sticks up for Joey, saying that racism is what’s motivating all this crapola.  Bodie’s black, in case you forgot, so he knows all about racism. Bessie caves and stomps out, Bodie follows her.  Then A.J. comes in.  He ditches Joey because he has to get back to HAH-vard (pronounce it the way I spelled it) and grade papers.  Poor overworked TA. Not.  Say it with me, A.J. is an asshole.  To make himself sound even more like an asshole, he says that Pacey ended up being a pretty decent guy.  Wow, I didn’t know he left such a bad impression on you the first time you met him, A.J.  Then he says something about how he found Joey, and I guess he’s referring to the HAH-vard weekend.  You know the weekend Joey was ASSIGNED to stay with him.

Tammy: Hmm...for some reason I’m sensing an enmity towards A.J., Melissa.

Scene 10: Quack, Quack, Quack

Tammy: Pacey is stapling a few hundred posters up along the docks, only he puts them up every five feet so anyone who doesn’t visit that 100 yard radius won’t see the posters. Jen notices that Pacey seems to be in a bad mood because he’s pounding a poster into the dock. She asks him what’s wrong, Pacey makes up some lame hypothetical situation about falling for some girl and having impossible feelings for her (obviously he’s been hanging out with the big D for so long that he thinks that everyone is oblivious towards his ‘hidden’ feelings for Joey). Jen wants Pacey to do something and Pace tells her that he can’t because he’s afraid she’ll laugh in his face. He tells her that he’s got Ducky written all over his face. Jen tells him this is a good thing because Ducky was a real nice friend in Pretty In Pink and made Molly Ringwald feel good about herself. Might I just make a comment about this stupid duck scene? Did the writers really feel as if Pacey related to Ducky or were they just trying to bring up his Might Duck past? And what about Jen telling Pacey to be a duck? Not only does she look like a duck, her nickname is Little Ducky? What’s up with that? I’m thinking we need some new writers.

Melissa: I’m sensing some enmity towards ducks, Tammy. Just kidding.  All through this exchange Pacey kept on playing the pronoun game (as it was called in “Chasing Amy”) referring to Joey as ‘someone’, ‘she’ or ‘her’.  Why?  He knows that Jen knows who that ‘someone’ is.  The audience knows who that someone is.  The Buddhist monks who live in Tibet and never watch this show probably know who that someone is.  So why must the writers torture us like this?

Scene 11: Gale: 1, AWS: -1756

Melissa: Dawson and Gale prepare to interview AWS at his office.  Dawson asks his mother why she’s doing this.  Gale wants both sides of the story.  Throughout the interview, AWS comes off like the  smarmy bastard he is.  Gale asks if AWS thinks firing Green is extreme.  AWS says no, and refuses to capitulate on the whole issues, saying he must do what’s best for the community.  Gales embarrasses AWS by pointing out his obligation to the students, not the parents.  AWS stomps out , Dawson smirks.  Yawn.  As compelling as this exchange was,  I’m going out on a limb and predict that it will have little/no effect on what happens in the end.

Scene 12: Father Of Mine

Tammy: Nikki jumps down the stairs, wooden stake in hand, prepared to kill the evil vampires invading her house. Oops, wrong show. Anyway, Nikki does jump down the stairs and says goodbye to her father before leaving to go to the rally. She wants her father to go and show his support. He refuses and Nikki thinks it’s because he’s afraid the media will paint him as an angry man (wait-I thought they already did). Senor Green tells her that he is angry because he’s doing the right thing and he’s getting fired anyway. Nikki makes some blaze comment about the kids “fighting for us” and then leaves.

Melissa: Well, at least Nikki talks to her father with respect.

Tammy: Okay, how many of the other characters actually talk to their fathers? Jen doesn’t, Pacey doesn’t, Andie and Jack rarely, and Joey doesn’t.

Scene 13: The Rally, Finally

Melissa:  Dawson videotapes kids in the auditorium, where the rally is being held.  He catches Nikki on his camera, and puts it down, presumably to talk to her.  On the stage, Jen pointedly mentions how much Pacey has done.  I’m glad someone noticed.  Joey looks over at Pacey, who’s testing the microphone, and realizes just how much he has done for her.  For a second, her face is screwed in confusion, wondering what his motivations are.  Then understanding dawns on her face; finally she knows how much he wants her.  She stops talking to Jen and runs over to Pacey, jumping in his arms and giving him a huge kiss.  Actually none of this happens.  Jen did tell Joey how much Pacey did, but Joey doesn’t really acknowledge.  The camera pans to Pacey who’s testing the microphone and wearing some type of jersey.  I say it’s a Bruin jersey (thus, a shout out to my entire family), but my sister, the killjoy, says it’s a hockey jersey.  Joey takes the mike and explains to the kids why she’s doing this.  During her speech, Katie Holmes’ Midwestern accent keeps cropping up.  I mean, really, “outsidah” instead of “outsider”?  Shoot the scene again, folks.  Joey asks the kids to say good stuff about Mr. Green.  It must be mentioned that the extras actually look like high school students.  As Nikki says something about her father, Mr. Green comes in.  As he walks down the aisle, there’s a shot of Bodie in the audience.  Because they’re both black and have experienced racism.  C’mon, people, try to keep up with me.  Mr. Green thanks everyone for his or her support, but he won’t back down.  After he says this, the camera pans to the kids.  Nikki looks proud, Andie is pensive, Jen and Pacey both seem sad, and Joey looks disappointed.

Tammy: It was a hockey jersey. What can I say-I know hockey. Besides, Joshua is from Canada-hello-Canada! Okay, stupid stereotype. Anyway-I didn’t notice Joey’s accent, no matter how many times you said “outsidah”.

Scene 14: Too Bad For You

Tammy: The rally is over and everyone is leaving. Jen is talking to Ducky and asking him how he feels. He feels like dog meat because Joey didn’t even thank him. While the two talk the camera pans over to Joey who’s surrounded by ‘friends’ (I use that term loosely because according to Joey she has no friends and everyone is out to get her because her sister had an illegitimate child with her black boyfriend.) and is stage laughing. Jo leaves with Bodie who is trying to convince her to drive home. Bessie surprises Jo by telling her that she watched the entire thing. Joey, still shocked, doesn’t believe her. Bessie insists that Alexander just had to come down and see her and that when Joey isn’t around he constantly talks about how smart and brave his aunt is. Gag me with a spoon. We all know that as soon as Alex can talk he won’t be talking about how brave and smart his aunt is.

Melissa: Throughout this scene, some woman was mutilating Smokey Robinson’s “Tears of a Clown”.  I mean, why couldn’t they use the original version.  Smokey Robinson is black, after all.

Scene 15: Adios, Senor Verde

Melissa: Aaah, after the “rally”.  I use the term rally loosely because it was anything but.  My weekly Brownie meetings were far more vocal and contentious that that little rally.  Mr. Green is packing up his things, and Joey comes into his office. She tells him he could still change his mind.  And- Oh God- someone hold me for what happens next.  Joey feels her rally was unsuccessful and that she failed Mr. Green.  So she dropped by to pump some comfort out of Mr. Green.  Okay, this man was just fired because of his race and he is forced to leave town!  I’m not religious, but oh my God.  I know this is a requisite scene, but again oh my God. Joey, honey, this man has real problems.  He doesn’t need to be burdened with your stupid high school sh*t.  Couldn’t you seek solace from someone else?  Anyway, Mr. Green tells her that she didn’t fail him.  As he is speaking, a song comes on- it sounds like a barber shop quartet singing a spiritual type song!  The barber shop quartet and the spiritual- two things associated with African Americans.  Good job, music coordinator! Mr. Green leaves his office, and he is short.  Not a judgement, simply an observation.  As he walks down the hall, extras standing conveniently by the wall clap.  Even though there are a lot of people, the applause sounds puny.  Mr. Green walks out into the sunset with his daughter.

Tammy: I found it amazing that Joey could turn the whole thing around so that it was all about her. When she paused I was sure she was going to say “I’m going to miss you”, which would have been appropriate because he is leaving after all, but instead she says “I feel like I failed you.” Of course, it’s all her. She’s the only one that “failed him” because she’s the only one who took part in her little rally. Anyway-I thought that the whole “after you” was a little too corny. Again-we need better writers.

Scene 16: Editorializing My Ass

Tammy: Ah, I get the lovely montage of buildings throughout Capeside. Gale is talking on the phone and mentions someone running the story. This, of course, means that her story-the true story, totally unbiased-will be run at her former station. She was also offered to do more reports in the future. Dawson asks her if she said yes, and she tells him no, that she did this only because she wanted the chance to say no. Dawson is astounded-why anyone would turn down a job to follow their own dreams is beyond him. After all, he didn’t know why Joey had to go ‘find herself’. Gale tells Dawson that he inspires her because he’s so smart, capable, and sincere. Dawson remarks that she’s just editorializing. Editorializing my ass. That’s pure fiction, Gale.

Melissa: You forgot the part where Gale calls her son a “quiet hero”.  If being a “quiet hero” means Dawson will have five scenes an episode like he did here, go on with the quiet heroics, Dawson!

Scene 17: Pacey...sigh

Melissa: Pacey takes Joey to some vacant lot.  It is night and obviously cold, because those ugly hats are back again.  Pacey calls Joey a “lame-o” which makes me laugh.  Then he presents her with a wall he rented.  For $100.  Okay, what boy in high school spends one hundred dollars on a girl he isn’t dating?  Hell, what guy in school spends $100 on someone other than himself?  The answer to these questions: no guy.  But Joey doesn’t realize this for some dumb reason.  Finally, Joey thanks Pacey.  She asks him for his help to paint the wall, but he refuses, saying she is on her own for this endeavor.  What could this mean?  He’s sick of standing by like Ducky?  Or he’s going to let Joey realize her feelings for him on her own?  So many questions.  Pacey leaves Joey, and the camera pans back, and the wall appears huge behind Joey, but I’m sure that’s just some fancy camera work.

Tammy: First of all-aside from the whole spending money on someone other than himself thing-who rents a wall? I didn’t realize you could rent a wall. I thought you had to rent or buy the building in order to do that. Otherwise, aren’t you defacing somebody’s property? Oh well, simple-minded Tammy. So glad this episode is at an end, even though it has been one of my favorites, because it means I get to say goodbye to the crappy hats.