Title: Philosophy 101; 3/6
Category: Other/Multi POV
Summary: One by one, everyone in Roswell answers the question: If a tree falls in a forest, but nobody is around to hear it, does the tree make a sound?
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Iím a healer. From the day I was hatched until the day I die, I will always be a healer. As a child, I healed simple things: birdís wings, my sisterís cut knees, and her fantasies of finding that lone boy in the desert. As a teenager, gunshot wounds and dying children were my forte.
The scariest thing that comes with being a healer is control.
I alone control the decision of whether or not something will be healed. Itís a power that I both fear and relish.
Michael breaks rocks. Isabel dream walks. Tess can manipulate the mind.
I have the ability to hold someoneís life in my hand. And unlike Michael, I have the ability to not only take life, but give it back. And thatís why my power is so much greater than his. Than any of them.
They just donít understand.
Notions of four squares and seconds mean nothing. We may falter without a Tess or a Michael. But without me, weíll surely fail.
And itís not my fault they donít see that; donít understand that. So why should I be punished for something that I canít control? Why didnít they see and understand this when everything was under control? When everything was right.
Our secret was safe until that one day in the Crashdown when I healed Liz. But, still, everything was alright. After all, I was still in control.
But then, things started to fall apart.
Isabel and Michael were angry. Angry at me! They didnít trust me, began forming their own opinions on what we should do, and they stopped listening to me. Feeling oneís control slip away is like feeling oneís supply of oxygen slip away. You have two choices: suck it all in at once and hope you can hold your breath until you figure out where to find some more; or ask for help and concede that youíve grown, things have changed, and that a small supply wonít cut it anymore.
I chose door number three.
I screamed louder, shoved harder, and fought, no clawed my way to the top. Back to control. Isabel and Michaelís voices werenít so loud. Or maybe that was just because I stopped hearing them.
I had Liz. I had Isabel and Michael by my side. Our secret was safe. And I was in control.
Until things changed again. Tess showed up, bringing with her new information that I didnít understand or want to. Nasedo was murdered, a new enemy appeared, and some girl showed up screaming about Michael and her grandfather.
It was like an earthquake. Things would fall apart, but once it was all over the healer would put things back together again. Order would return and a semblance of control would resume. All the while underneath the surface plates are shifting and things are changing, but to the naked eye everything seems to be at a rest.
Somewhere along the way I must have missed the tale-tell signs. The blame, of course, is not on my shoulders. After all, our parents never bought us a dog. How can you predict an earthquake without a dog to eat grass in the backyard?
And so, I lost the one thing that made me different, that made me special from the others: control. I had it, they didnít. And then it all blew up in my face.
Alex died, Tess got pregnant, Isabel wanted to go to college, and then Michael wanted to stay.
How could that happen? How could they just...do that? They had to know-they had to know how important I was. How important my role is. Without me, there is no foursquare, no need for a second in command. Without control, all that reigns is chaos.
I felt like laughing at the audacity of the entire situation inside the pod chamber as we stood around the granolith. This couldnít be happening to me. My tree was crashing down, right on top of my head, and when it hit me it was going to make one hell of a sound.
I hugged Michael goodbye, still in shock. The seconds were ticking down and I saw my tree fall. And then the most amazing thing happened.
My saving grace appeared and my tree didnít make a single sound. Liz ran in screaming about Tess murdering Alex. For Isabel, thatís probably where the chaos began. But for me, it allowed the entire whirlwind to stop. Because I was Max. I could assess the situation, determine what to do.
I could take control.
Iím a healer; thatís what I do.
And so, I had no qualms at yelling at the mother of my child. Or remaining here on Earth. Telling Liz that loving her was the only right thing I ever did. Because I was back in control. And it doesnít matter if I ever find my son again or ever return to our home planet. Isabelís broken; I am her home. Sheíll never doubt me or my decisions again. Michael doesnít break any rocks anymore, or hearts for that matter. As long as he and Maria are happy, I wonít have any issues with him. Kyleís become disillusioned because of the whole Tess situation.
And as for Liz. I can do no wrong to her. A few whispered nothings here and some sentimental nothings there...Thereís a reason theyíre called Ďnothings.í But weíre in love. Liz loves me. And Iím in control. Just the way things should be.
A tree falling at my feet and not making a sound is a remarkable feat. But not nearly as remarkable as a tree making a sound when no one is around. And not remotely close to the sound a healer makes when he loses control.